Today started out great. Woke up at a fairly decent hour and just have been relaxing with my pets, while listening to music and surfing the net. But no matter how nice it is to sit with myself and enjoy my time, I forget how easy it is for one person to say something that will affect my mood or thoughts. Though I still feel good about myself and my path I worry for the thoughts of others. Not the way they think about me, but for the way they think about themselves.
It really is difficult to write this while listening to A7X "Nightmare".
One person in particular. He is a gay man that basically has given up on society. Simply because he has had some bad experiences with relationships. Sometimes I just want to shake him and force his eyes open to the wonders that the world holds. He is always writing about how he no longer will be gay and that he loves girls and so on and so forth. Well I just have one thing to tell you, my friend, I will NOT feel sorry for you...... only YOU can change the way you think and the way people see you. The more confident you are about yourself the more others will want to be with/around you. Said in the words of Amy Lee "Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken..." (Funny how Evanescence "Hello" came on as I was writing this)
So on to me now..... I have been pretty good about ignoring or putting aside my gender dysphoria on most days. There are still days though that are really hard to put on my binder. To me it feels like a cage. It holds me in tightly and squishes my breasts flat against my ribs. Breathing in is like having an asthma attack under water. Not to mention that my chest is so large that even with my binder on I still have two little bumps where my boobs fight the work that I'm trying to hide them.
Well I'm going to off on an adventure......
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