I've been really stressed lately. And it's not doing any good for my body. But is stress ever good for you, really? I think not, but you can't live without having stress. So you learn to live with it and deal with it. Anyways, like I said I've been stressed.... why? Because I got a letter saying that I'm being disenrolled in my health insurance. This is important for many reasons. Mainly because of my transition. If I do end up losing my health insurance, to me I basically am losing who I am. I would not be able to afford the doctors visits, Testosterone, or surgery. By the way I'm carrying about 5 lbs. of unwanted flesh on my chest. Thank you Great Grandma James!
Family tells me to take one day at a time. Or to let things happen as they were supposed to. Well, I don't know who said that things HAVE to happen a certain way but I would love to know these things before hand. And it's really hard to take things as they come when for 25 years, my body has lied to me about who I really am. Dammit! I want to be me!
Money is and has always been a stressor. Been thinking of getting another job. There again though is another stressor. Like it's easy to get a job these days. On top of that I'm not within the social norm. Hell I'm a Trans man with giant boobs. I can't be stealth like many. Mom says that the need for money should out weigh the anxiety of coming out to a whole new crew of people. I have to stop wishing for her to understand. No one that isn't going thru what I'm doing will truely understand how hard it is to open one's self up to the ridicule. I'm the one that has to hear people calling me a fag or queer, when I'm not. I'm Trans. I have a birth defect. My hypothalamus grew too much for the body I was given. I just got my test results back about my natural producing Testosterone in my system and it's higher than a bio male's. What does that tell ya?
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